Having Courage.

What does courage mean to me? That’s what I was supposed to write on for my blog challenge for a couple of weeks ago. A recent Sunday school lesson really got me to thinking about courage. We’ve been discussing the book of Philippians. The apostle Paul was in prison when he wrote the book. He had someone chained to him at all times and I can only imagine what conditions he lived in. Why? All because he proclaimed the name of the Lord as his saviour. Sadly enough, there are Christians today in other countries that are still imprisoned because of their faith. That’s not where I wanted to head but that’s just some extra food for thought I threw out there!! ;)

Almost eight years ago, I went to see my dermatologist for my routine annual visit. I’m extremely “moley” so when I was in eighth grade, my mom started having me go to get checked. In August 1999, I went in and the doctor took off a suspicious mole. A week later, I get a phone call from his office and the nurse says my doctor wants to talk to me. I knew it couldn’t be good. He got on the phone and told me the mole had melanoma skin cancer in it. I really didn’t know what this meant. Cancer wasn’t good but I didn’t know about melanoma. I went in the next day to have more cut out of my leg. Lab results came back saying they had got it all. That was a miracle in itself because a week later I got pregnant with Elizabeth. Melanoma is a very aggressive cancer and can spread to the baby through the placenta.

It really scared me but a few years went by and I was fine. The scare of it was over. Then in late summer of 2003, my aunt Emma got sick. They discovered that she had melanoma. No one before me in our family had had it. Within a couple of months, my aunt died. Fear set in again. I cried several times. I didn’t want to die and leave my children without a mother. I didn’t want to leave my husband without a wife. I was getting checked more often than before and was even in a special, highly sought after program at Duke University seeing a melanoma specialist but I still feared. I wasn’t afraid to die, don’t get me wrong. I have had that settled for a long time but I just didn’t want to die.

Again, months and then a year rolled by and the thoughts died down. I quit worrying again. Then my mother-in-law discovered she had melanoma. I felt like this cancer would never leave me. It felt like it was once again trying to rear its ugly head and put me down again in fear. This time was different. For some reason, I met it this time the way I should have all the other times. I prayed. And the fear never came. I decided the Lord knows best. If God wanted me to die from melanoma cancer then I shouldn’t worry. Sure I don’t want my kids to not have their mom but again, the Lord knows best.

I still go regularly to get checked. I’ve been told that since I melanoma at such a young age that it’s very likely that I’ll get it again. So now I’m seeing a melanoma specialist at Vanderbilt University twice a year and I see my local dermatologist twice a year. When my mind tries to get me to worry there are a few Bible verses that I remember.

Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
II Corinthians 12: 9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”

These are all verses that I’ve known for a long time and when I try to worry or fear, they give me comfort.

What does this all have to do what courage means to me? Well, this is just what I think about – when I have to be courageous. Or at least I feel like I’m being courageous. I’m not afraid to die. I don’t want to but I’m ready. I won’t let cancer scare me. I trust that if I’m ever faced with the situation that I will continue to say the same thing. I hope I continue to have courage when I possibly face death.